your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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