Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
