I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
