I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
