it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
