That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
