where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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