In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
