Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
