i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
