took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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