I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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