I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
