her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
