I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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