.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
