So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
