chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
