so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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