this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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