my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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