had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Farmville is her only friend.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
