I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
