I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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