so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
