I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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