i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
