my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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