If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
