well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
