My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
