i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
