was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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