It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
