I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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