Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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