I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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