I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the condom got lost in my hair
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
