we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize