dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
