The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
