Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
