i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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