Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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