A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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