Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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