nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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