If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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