the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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