Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
